Calzona Strong? Maybe Not
by CallieLover
Summary: One way I see the dynamic that is Calzona unraveling after watching 9x23.
1. Chapter 1

First attempt at writing a fanfic, ever! So read at your own will and take it easy on me..

(I do not own Grey's Anatomy or any of its characters as they belong to Shonda. R /ABC...)

_"Where the hell is Arizona?" _Callie asked with every bit of worry washing over her face as she checks her phone for the umpteenth time since she completed the surgery with Hunt, Webber, and Ben. Not able to just sit around and not know if her wife was okay with all hell breaking loose outside she left Meredith and Derek and set out to find her wife.

_"Arizona," _Lauren manages to get out after Arizona pulled away from their quick hot make out session when the storm knocked the lights off in the hospital. Arizona now reaching for the door to exit the on-call room before she something else she may regret later. _"You are allowed to lose a little bit of control,"_ Lauren says as she feels it will make Arizona stay.

Arizona takes a deep breath, locks the on-call room door and spins around to face Lauren. All previous concerns or reservations Arizona had were now tossed aside as she lost control of her mind and body and gave in to the temptation that she had been trying not to give into (not hard enough apparently). Arizona captured Lauren's mouth into a greedy, passion filled kiss and started removing the layers that kept her from Lauren's hot tanned skin. She trailed wet, open mouthed kisses down the other woman's neck and down to her chest. If the locked door didn't give Lauren the go ahead that certainly did. In an instant Arizona is on her back as Lauren climbs on top and takes control.

"_Hey, Avery have you seen Arizona lately?"_ Callie had been searching every place she could think of that Arizona may be.

_"Uh come to think of it, no, I haven't seen her since we finished the surgery. Check with Dr. Boswell, she's probably seen her." _Avery said with no thought. His mind somewhere off thinking about April.

_"Okay that's great actually. I'm sorry I missed the rare surgery but was called in on an emergency surgery with Hunt and Grey. Man I wanted to scrub in on it and see you guys work. Good now I a chance to hear what I missed out on." _Callie said as she visibly lit up when she talked about the surgery she missed. _"Where's Boswell?"_

_"She said something about staying close to the patient so my guess would be the on-call room on the PEDs floor."_ Avery continued to half listen to Callie but managed to catch the last question she asked and absently answer.

_"Okay, thanks" _she returned as she continued her search for her wife.

Arizona laid comfortably in the small on-call room bed with the hot blond who had stolen her eye away from her wife and embraced the waves of pleasure running through her with her head thrown back and her eyes shut. As the intensity and the waves of ecstasy wore off she dared to open her eyes for fear of what she might see. When Arizona's eyes opened they were greeted with emerald eyes instead of brown. Eyes that contained adoration and it made it all the more hard to look at them. So many emotions overcame Arizona in that moment that she wasn't sure how she felt. Then and only then did she realize that there was a raging storm happening outside and thought of Callie and Sofia. _Shit. Callie._ She forgot about Callie. Realization finally hit and she sat up and searched for her leg. She got her leg back on and searched for her scattered clothes and tried to get dressed as quickly as she could.

_"Arizona,"_ Lauren said as she tried not to look hurt by the other blonds quick change in attitude. At the sound of her name spoken with such longing and affection that she hadn't heard from anyone but her wife in a while, Arizona shuddered. She suddenly stopped what she was doing and sat on the couch in the on-call room almost defeated. How did this happen? She threw her head into her hands and tried not to lose control again, seeing how it worked so perfectly before. She felt disgusted with herself. She just willingly cheated on her wife. A wife who had been nothing but patient and supporting and loving with her. Everything she had asked of her. And this is how she repays her. Arizona doesn't have time to continue her internal self reprimanding when hears Lauren make her way over to her.

Lauren, now starting to fill her own share of shame and guilt, makes her way over to Arizona in an attempt to comfort the hurting blond she was sweet on since her arrival at Grey-Sloan Memorial. _"Don't,"_ Arizona spat out. _"I have to go, I can't do this right now,"_ she continues as she stands, gathers her coat and left the room before Lauren could say anymore.

_"Oh thank God,"_ Callie whispers under her breath as she lets out a sigh of relief when she sees Arizona exit the on-call room she was headed towards. Rushing over to Arizona and pulling her into a tight embrace Callie says, _"I've been paging you. I was so worried that something had happened to you when you didn't respond." _Callie grabs Arizona's arms and holds her back to look her over to make sure her wife was all in one piece as she continues to express how scared she was when she didn't know where Arizona was, _"I thought maybe you were hurt,"_ satisfied that her wife didn't seem to be physically hurt she pulled her into another tight embrace as she kept on talking. _"My mind just started to think of the worse when I couldn't find you. I'd never been so scared since Hunt told me your plane had crashed. Don't every scare me like that again, okay?! What were you doing?"_ Callie finished, this time giving Arizona a chance to speak.

_"Callie,"_ Arizona started but didn't know how to tell her wife something that she knew would hurt her even more than any of the things she said to her after she cut off Arizona's leg combined.

Callie, now a little calmer since she knew Arizona was safe, sensed that something was wrong and pulled back to look her wife in the eyes. In those crystal blue eyes that she had seen almost every emotion possible now displayed an emotion she couldn't quite put her finger on. _"Arizona what's wrong?" _Callie asked now getting worried all over again.

Arizona knew there was no easy way to say this. She also knew that nothing would prepare her for what happens after she confesses to her wife the worst possible betrayal a person could commit. But Arizona knew that she had to be the one to tell Callie. So she swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and just said it, _"I slept with Lauren,". _

Of all the things that Callie had thought had been troubling her wife, that, had not been one of them. Nothing could have prepared her for what she just heard her wife say. Praying that she had heard wrong Callie said the only thing she could think of, _"What," _she felt an uneasy smile pull at the corners of her lips. This had to be a joke right? She couldn't have possibly heard Arizona correctly. When Arizona didn't say anything and averted her eyes from her she knew she had heard right. _"No,"_ she shook her head slowly at Arizona and took a step back. _"Arizona no. Tell me I'm hearing things, tell me you didn't just say what I think you said."_ Callie was met with more silence but Arizona brought her gaze back to Callie. When Arizona looked at Callie what she saw broke her heart. The way Callie looked at her as if to look through her. A look of complete horror as it hit her that she had heard Arizona correctly.

It took a minute for Callie to snap out of the trance she had slipped into. An image of her wife having relations with another woman quickly took Callie out of the trance. She looked at Arizona and shook her head once again. Arizona finally spoke once she saw Callie's mind come back. _"Callie I know there is no way to make you believe me when I say I am so sorry. I am so deeply, deeply sorry for hurting you again. I don't know what came over me," _Arizona said as tears started to form in her eyes before being cut off by Callie.

_"I can't believe this is happening to me again,"_ Callie spoke more to herself than to Arizona. _"I can not believe that this," _she started to repeat herself this time much louder, _"...you begged me not to ever leave you when you found out your rock, Nick, was dying. You begged me! And I promised I wouldn't. You begged me again not to run at Bailey's wedding and again I told you there was no way I was leaving your side. When you found out I was pregnant with Mark's baby you threatened to beat the crap outta me if I slept with anyone else but here you go, sleeping with someone else. Ironic huh," _Callie chuckled a little to herself before looking back at Arizona who was looking like a dumb dear in headlights. _"I never left you but yet you're constantly leaving me Arizona. What am I suppose to feel? Huh? Tell me because I can't,"_ Callie let her sentence trail off. _"Why, Arizona? Was it me? Was it something I did wrong? Am I not enough," _Arizona cut Callie off before she could continue to blame herself, _"No! This had nothing to do with you can't you see that?" _Not exactly what she was expecting to say to come out but it was too late to get those words back.

Callie jumped a little caught off guard since she was not expecting Arizona to snap at her like that. At first Callie looked offended by her wife's outburst, but then it only made her lose a little control over her fiery temper. _"Well excuse the hell outta me,"_ Callie spat, her words dripping with anger. She was livid!

_"For once I did something that was completely about me!" _even that surprised Arizona as it escaped from her mouth. She didn't seem to have any control over anything anymore. Callie jerked her head back as if Arizona had just said the most offending thing she had ever heard. Just then Ross came running around the corner and told Callie that there was a crash and Dr. Bailey needed her help. As Ross ran in the direction he had come from Callie unfolded arms she hadn't realized she had folded and started to go in the direction she saw Ross disappear into having to walk past Arizona. She was no longer looking at Arizona now, she couldn't look at her anymore.

As Callie walked past Arizona Arizona turn around and called after her, _"Calliope," _she said with all sincerity, and longing, and sorrow all at the same time and Callie stopped dead in her tracks but did not turn around. Arizona started to walk slowly up behind Callie but before she could reach her Callie spun on her heels and if looks could kill Arizona would have be right along with Mark somewhere by now because the look Callie gave Arizona was definitely meant to kill. After burning a hole into Arizona's face with the intensity of her stare Callie said, _"I can't do this with you anymore Arizona. I can't keep letting you push me away and treat me like this. Like you I have to do something that is for me," _Callie slid her ring off of her finger and looked at it. _"I'm sorry I wasn't enough for you. I'm sorry I couldn't give you what you needed. And I'm sorry I cut off your leg, but I can't_ _anymore."_ And with that she placed her ring in Arizona's hand a disappeared off to help Bailey before Arizona could say anything else. Leaving Arizona with her mouth slightly open as she tried to understand what just happened and how it was all her fault.


	2. Chapter 2

**I noticed all the errors of the last chapter. Sorry it was late but I'll try not to have as many in this one. Don't be afraid to review, I can take it ;).**

To Callie, the hospital had been a rather larger place. Now it just felt suffocatingly small. Even with the lights going out ever minute she still somehow keep catching glimpses of Arizona trying to help out patients. After 5 long hours of trying to calm the ER down, now 3am, the commotion had finally died down. Giving Callie a chance to sit and gather herself for the first time since Arizona told her she slept with someone else. And it wasn't just anyone either, it was someone she knew. Well not knew but someone she's met and had a conversation with. Someone who she was impressed by, and someone who knew Arizona was married. Which shows how little the woman respected Callie. Callie wanted nothing more than to grab her daughter and go home but this freaking storm wasn't letting up. She didn't see how some of the patients and some of the doctors were actually managing to sleep. But she did have to admit that the sound of the rain hitting the building and the bolts of lightening and the claps of thunder was somehow calming. She laid back on the cot she had made up for herself earlier and threw her arms over her face as she started to feel all the pain come rushing back into her chest. After everything Arizona had took Callie through she didn't think that it was possible for Arizona to hurt her anymore than she already had. Callie couldn't fathom how these terrible things kept happening to her. As if George cheating on her then later dying, Arizona dumping her in an airport, the car accident, the plane crash, the loss of her best friend and daughters father, and the loss of her wife's leg wasn't already enough. Callie simply did not understand. As she lay there trying to wrap her head around the new obstacle life had thrown at her she felt someone standing over her. She slowly moved an arm from her reddened eyes to see who was peering down at her. _Great. What could she possibly have to say now. "What Arizona," _she asked while sitting up on the very hard very uncomfortable cot.

For the past five hours Arizona had been trying to figure out what she was going to say to Callie the next time she got a chance. And as soon as she stood over her beautiful wife all of what she had planned to say evaded her mind. Callie always looked beautiful. Even when she had been crying. That may not be the most normal thing ever but Arizona found her shockingly beautiful when she cried. She was a beautiful crier. In all the years they had been together Arizona still couldn't believe that such a rare beauty had been interested in her. And now with one leg she couldn't believe that she was still interested. Realization hitting her with full force she moved to sit down next to Callie. Half thinking Callie would get up and leave or tell her not to sit down she was surprised that neither happened. _"I know I seem fine but I am not fine. I thought I was, for a while, I thought I had finally moved on with my life but I guess I haven't. And I know you cut off my leg to save me I know that but, sometimes I wish you hadn't. I wish you would have just let me die. Sometimes I wish it had been me who died out there instead of Mark," _she continued her confession as Callie now looked at her with such empathy.

Callie wanted to say something to her wife. Something to comfort her or save her from the hurt she's feeling right now but she doesn't. Because she needs to hear what Arizona has to say. She needed to hear Arizona's thought process in all of this. So she held back and just listened.

Arizona didn't know when she had started back talking but it seemed like she couldn't stop. _"I never had someone like you before. Someone so loving, compassionate, smart, stubborn, strong, beautiful,"_ Arizona started to smile as she named all the things she loved about her wife. _"No one has ever loved me as much as you have. No one has ever as dedicated to me or as good to me as you_ have," Arizona felt a single tear fall from her eye. _"Sometimes I wonder why? Why me? How did I get so lucky? What did I do to deserve you? And all I can think about is everything I've done to not deserve you,"_ Arizona hung her head in shame at that and so did Callie.

Callie had never seen her wife so open, so vulnerable. Or at least she couldn't remember the last time she had seen her like this. All she wanted to do was hold her wife and help her through this. She couldn't help but feel that this felt different. It felt different than when George cheated on her with Izzy. With George, she had always felt like she loved him more, that she was more invested into their marriage than him. And when George cheated she felt like he loved Izzy. She knew Izzy loved him but knowing that he loved her back, she knew there was no way to save whatever it was that they had so she let him go. With Arizona, she knows that Arizona loves her just as much if not more. She knows that Arizona is frightened by feelings she can't herself explain. She knows that what Arizona did wasn't done out of spite or because Arizona had fallen in love with someone else. She didn't know what it was that caused her actions but she knew that it wouldn't have happened if she hadn't cut off Arizona's leg. _"Tell me what happened,"_ Callie said and it made Arizona's head shoot up in confusion. Feeling the need to elaborate she went on, _"Tell me what happened between you and Lauren. I wanna know. What were you thinking, and I'm not saying that in a harsh way I just, need to know what was going on in your head," _Callie sat back and rested her temple on her fist as she gave Arizona her undivided attention.

Still a little confused as to how these conversations kept taking these turns she had not foreseen, Arizona straightened up and wiped her face. _"Well we had just finished with the Simmons baby surgery and," _Callie cut Arizona off before she could finish her sentence. _"No, start from the beginning, the first encounter you ever had with her,"_ Callie said, wanting a full picture.

_"Okay, well it was the day Bailey kept herself locked up in her lab, I was getting coffee before I did rounds and didn't realize I grabbed the wrong cup," _Callie remembered when she had asked her wife who was Lauren, the name on the cup she was holding but realized she didn't get an answer. Tuning back into the conversation Arizona kept talking, _"So that's when I first met her. I saw her again later that day when I went to meet the specialist Avery got for the Simmons baby. Turned out she was the specialist. We talked strategy for the surgery and that's when you came in and I introduced you to her. Later that day when I was going home I got on the elevator and she was in there. She made a comment about my eyes being really pretty. I then told her that I was happily married to a hot brunette, you, with eyes that are magical,"_ Arizona beamed a bit when she thought of Callie's eyes. _"But for some reason I felt the need to tell her that I only had one leg, convinced that if she knew she wouldn't still be interested. But she had already knew about the one leg," _here was Callie again interrupting her.

_"So how did that make you feel? Knowing that someone as hot as Boswell was interested in you all while knowing you only had one leg?"_

Arizona thought about it for a moment. She knew how it made her feel but she didn't wanna tell Callie that. It would certainly her hurt some more. But she's been keeping enough about how she was feeling away from her wife already and decided that if everything was out there they could start to try to fix it. So she continued, _"It made me feel, good actually. I felt seen. I, I felt sexy again and confident in myself again," _Arizona stopped right there before she said too much seeing how that made a smile frown creep on Callie's face before she could remove it. She knew this was hurting Callie the more she spoke but it's what Callie wanted, and she wanted to fix this so she kept talking. _"Then in the surgery with Avery she was saying all these things.. She made me feel like I was capable of anything. Like I was someone who did the unthinkable, like I was most brave person in the world. Then she said she liked to stay close to the patient post-op and wondered if I could show her where the on-call room was," _Arizona stole a glance at Callie and she could see that Callie was bracing herself for what was to come next. _"So I showed her where the on-call room was and we said how great the surgery was and were a little sad it was over. I extended my hand out to shake hers and say goodbye but she wouldn't take it. So I walked in the room guessing that a hug was more appropriate and then the lights went out, I guess the generator had given out or something but the next thing I knew we were kissing. When the lights came back on I pulled away. Said I couldn't do this and turned to leave. Somehow what she said managed to get me to stay and then I, I don't know, lost it. I turned back around and lost it." _She managed to actually get through that. Arizona didn't think she would be able to recount the events to her wife but she did and now all she could do was wait and see what Callie would do.


	3. Chapter 3

**I gotta admit I'm a little stuck on what to write next. Callie is my heart and that stunt Arizona pulled has me thrown so I can only imagine how Callie feels. I'm so conflicted. I love Calzona and want them to work this out but then again I'm tired of Arizona putting Callie through so much. I still don't know how I want Callie to handle this but I hope as I start writing it will come to me. I almost don't want to write this anymore. It was so hard to write the last two chapters but I found it to be cathartic. And the reviews made me smile so I guess I'll suck it up for you guys :) Shout out to that guest and Alex, thank you ;)**

**Again I do not own these people, just borrowing them for a while. No copyright infringement intended.**

**Oh and you might see some lines thrown in here from different characters from different seasons. I love their lines so much sometimes. Anyway, let me stop procrastinating, enjoy! (Reviews make me write faster though;)**

The storm was finally letting up. It seemed like hours passed since Arizona had finished her recount of her indiscretions to her wife. She knew in reality it was only a few minutes but she was going crazy waiting for Callie to say something. Yell, scream, slap her, anything except what she was doing, which was nothing. No emotion on her face, and she had yet to even breathe so it seemed. The silence was so unbearably loud to Arizona. Any longer and she knew she would explode. She didn't wanna rush Callie but she couldn't take it anymore._ "Callie, say something, please. Yell at me, hit me, do something!"_

Callie just sat there. She didn't know what to say. Even if she had known what to say she knew her words would fail her. Hell her thoughts were currently failing her as she just sat there, numb. She felt nothing. For a woman who forever wore her heart on her sleeve and always seemed to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, she felt nothing. For the first time she felt absolutely nothing. No pain, no hurt, no nothing. She should feel something right? She knew she should. She tried to think back to what she felt when George told her he cheated, but she remembered she was silent then too.

Arizona was met with more silence. So she just embraced it. She would just have to sit there until Callie said something. She felt like she should be grateful for the silence. Since once the silence was over she feared her wife would leave her.

The minutes turned into hours that Callie just sat there. Still unmoved, and still silent. She noticed that the rain had let up a little. It wasn't hitting the building as hard although it was still dark out. She had no idea what time it was but she knew it still wasn't morning and she knew the storm hadn't passed. She had to get outta there. She knew she shouldn't leave since she was probably still needed or would be needed soon down in the pit but she had to go.

Arizona, who had dosed off into a light sleep felt the cot she was sitting on stir. She looked up to see Callie making her way down the hallway to the elevator. She hoped up as quick as her legs would let her and went after her, _"Callie where are you going,"_ she asked her wife. Still nothing. As Callie got on the elevator Arizona thought whether she should follow Callie or just let her be until she was ready to talk. She thought the better of it and jumped on at the last possible moment._ "Callie baby just talk to me,"_ she pleaded. _"Please don't do this please don't go, if you go know we don't stand a chance. We don't stand a chance if you go now, we won't be able to fix this. Calliope please, you have to give me a chance to show you how sorry I am,"_ she felt the tears pool in the corner of her eyes and tried to reach out to Callie.

Callie sensed Arizona about to reach for her stepped back until her back met the wall. Luckily the elevator sounded signally she was at the right floor. She tried to get past Arizona but Arizona wouldn't let her by._ "No Callie, okay? No, I'm not letting you go we have to talk about this,"_ she tried to block Callie's exit but to no avail as Callie physically moved her out of her way. When Arizona turned around and realized where her wife was going she went after her again. _"What are you doing? Callie she's sleep you can't wake her up and drag her outta here just let her sleep and we can talk about this,"_ she tried to convince her wife not to disturb their daughter, again to no avail as Callie picked up a sleeping Sofia and carried her out the hospital nursery back towards the elevator.

Callie made her way to the elevator after gathering her daughters things without so much as a glance at Arizona. She was well on her way to exit the hospital with her and her daughters things in tow when she was stopped again by Bailey. _"Callie there's no way you or that baby are going out into that storm out there!"_ her friend commanded.

_"Bailey the storm has let up a little just let me go, please,"_ her words where barely heard by her friend. _"I can't fight with you on this Bailey, I don't have any more fight in me right now so just please, let me leave,"_ her words were barely above a whisper it's a wonder Bailey heard anything.

Bailey had never seen her friend so broken before. She had half a mind to give her what she asked for and let her friend go but knew that wasn't a good idea. _"Oh Callie,"_ Bailey said, voice drenched in sorrow for her friend. _"As much as I want to let you leave I can't, you know just as well as I that you and Sofia shouldn't be out in that storm. God forbid something should happen to you, I'd never forgive myself for that."_

_"Miranda please,"_ Callie kept pleading.

_"Callie what's wrong? Should I go get Arizona hold on here she comes now,"_ Bailey started to move from her friend but felt a hand push her back.

_"No Mandy keep her away from me,"_ Bailey looked at her friend, she was so confused but when she looked into Callie's eyes she began to understand.

_"Okay, okay, if that's what you want I can do that, but you can't leave this hospital with that baby in this weather. Just go find a somewhere where you and lil one can lay down and I'll keep her away okay?"_ Bailey pleaded with her friend. Here she goes yet again being drug into others problems.

_"Okay,"_ was all Callie said as she made her way down a hall to do what her friend said.

As Arizona started to follow Callie Bailey stopped her. _"Ah hey no where you going,"_ Bailey said more as a statement than a question.

_"Excuse me Bailey but stay outta this, this is between me and Callie,"_ Arizona said as she tried to get around Bailey, she was never the one to discuss the private matters of what was going on in her life to anyone other than her wife or Teddy.

_"Let her be. You can't help her now,"_ Bailey told Arizona. She was never one to take sides, she understood that it was always two sides to every story and she's yet to hear either one but she's far from dumb, she's got a good idea of what's going on here.

_"If you would just let me by I know I could go talk to her, I have to make her listen Bailey,"_ Arizona was crying now. She'd done so much of that these last couple of hours, she hated herself for not being able to hold it together. But based on the circumstances she figured she was allowed.

_"She can't hear you right now Arizona, you have to give her time. She can't process this with you all in her face looking like that. It's not fair to her Arizona. She just needs a minute so she can think. There's nothing else you can do for her right now,"_ Bailey saw Arizona start to crumple right in front of her eyes. She was so shocked to see Arizona let go of her emotions like that, she never let's people see her like that she always seemed so... put together. _"Look, I don't know what's going on with you and Torres, well not for sure anyway but what I do know is that there are sick kids somewhere in this hospital and that should be where you are right now. Not down here,"_ Bailey gestured with her hand to explain what she didn't know how to explain, _"like this. Whatever you two are going through right now, there's nothing else you can do. So why don't you go do something you can do, and that's go help those sick kids."_

Arizona knew Bailey was right. They were short on staff up on her ward and she knew she needed to get back up there. Maybe Bailey was right about giving Callie some room to think too. So she just nodded, pulled herself together and went to do the one thing she couldn't possibly screw up, her job.

**So I'm not sure that's how I wanted to end this chapter but you know how these things can take on a mind of their own. It's shorter than what I wanted it to be but in the next chapter I want the storm to be over so Callie can get out of the confines of that hospital. Hope it wasn't totally terrible. Let me know what you think. Any ideas?**


	4. BE WARNED, THIS IS NOT AN UPDATE!

**I must say I was slightly offended yesterday by one of the reviews I received. I know I said I can take it and I can...when it comes to constructive criticism. That review on the other hand was not constructive criticism in the least. Needless to say it was not approved but to the cowardly person who wrote that review as a guest instead from their account, if you're still following/reading, I just wanted to say that I am not ashamed of myself for using "CalzonaStrong", it is not an insult to the Boston victims as the Boston victims were not the ones to originate the "strong" slogan. I.e. "Live Strong", "Army Strong", "Jersey Strong", "Country Strong", and the list goes on. The phrase is very flexible, it is not specifically meant to be used for a disaster. What I find "disgusting" (your words, not mine) is how close-minded you seemed to be and I can only assume, uninformed, to think that that term is solely for Boston. Sorry if Calzona Strong offends ****_you _****but I like it therefore it stays.**

**Sorry for that ranting you guys, had to get that off my chest. I wanted to get another chapter out before my heart breaks tonight when Callie finds out but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. Too shaken up I guess. I'm sure you all can sympathize. **

**Hope you all make it through tonight. Let's hope I do too :/**


	5. Chapter 4

**I do not own Grey's or it's characters, they belong to Shonda R.(who I am very angry with btw).**

******Thank you to zenelxx, hwhitty10, JUJUChick16, and the other guests who reviewed, I really appreciate you. Much love to you all!**

_"I thought we had gotten past all the hard stuff I I thought we were good."_

_"We were. We are."_

_"We're married!"_

_"I know."_

_"We have a child!"_

_"I know!"_

_"How could you do this?!"_

_"I, I don't know-"_

_"After everything we've survived, the bankruptcy, Mark, the plane-"_

_"Oh you weren't on the plane Callie!"_

_"Wha-"_

_"You weren't on that plane and you keep acting like you were but you weren't. And, and it wasn't your experience-"_

_"I lost Mark, you almost died!"_

_"I lost Mark, you almost died. YOU WEREN'T ON THAT FREAKING PLANE! You didn't hear Meredith crying for Lexie, or Mark moaning in pain or me screaming in pain. You weren't. You want the badge of honor, the street cred, the war wounds then great! Stick out your leg and go grab a bone saw and let's even the score!"_

_"It always comes back to the leg-"  
_

_"I trusted you, more than anything. More than anyone in my life, and you decided to cut it off."_

_"TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!"  
_

_"YOU DIDN'T LOSE ANYTHING! I did! I did."  
_

_"Apparently I lost you."_

Callie's last conversation with her wife running on repeat in her head since she was able to leave the hospital. No matter what she did she kept replaying that conversation in her head. Something about it didn't sit well with her. Maybe it was the fact that she had barely anything to process her wife's infidelity before she was blaming her for her loss of a leg again. It had been a whole year since that happened and she was so sure they were passed that. Evidently she was wrong.

_I had a patient once who told me about his wedding day, and how they asked all the married couples to come to the dance floor to dance together. And then they asked all the couples who only been married for a year to sit down, and then five years, ten years, twenty and so on. Until they got to the last two couples. Two sets of grandparents, they had been together sixty years... Sixty years, with the love of their life. That's gonna be you two, at our granddaughter's wedding. Callie.. Arizona.. Congratulations I love you._

Callie reached for the remote and rewound her now dead best friend's wedding speech for the umpteenth time. She had watched it and rewound it so many times since she's been home she lost count. She missed him so much right after he died. She never got to fully grieve for that loss. She was too busy being strong for Arizona and Sofia. But she's never missed him more than she does right now. She's never needed him more than she does right now.

_I had a patient once who told me about his wedding day, and how they asked all the married couples to come to the dance floor... _Arizona stopped short of putting her key into the front door of her and Callie's apartment when she heard the voice of her daughter's father through the door. She wasn't expecting anyone to even be home. She leaned in to put her ear to the door to see what her wife was listening to. She recognized it to be Mark's congratulatory speech to her and Callie at their wedding. She sighed hard and tried to gather and brace herself for whatever was about to happen when she walked through the door.

_That's gonna be you two, at our granddaughter's wedding_- as soon as Callie heard the front door open she paused the t.v. and took a sip of her wine that had been resting on her thigh. She didn't even turn around to acknowledge the fact that her wife entered their home. She wasn't gonna be the first to speak either.

Arizona stood at the front door with her back pressed against it. She was afraid to move. She was scared that if she took any steps to her wife she would yell or get up and go in the room or kick her out. But after Callie paused the t.v. and they were in silence for an unknown amount of time she decided to step forward and say something. _"I wasn't expecting you to be home," really Arizona, of all the things you could have said just then, idiot. "What I meant was... what I meant to say was, I didn't think you would be here but I'm glad you are." _Silence_. "Cal can we talk?_ Arizona made her way over to sit on the coffee table directly in front of Callie. She was surprised when not only did Callie not get up and leave but she was actually looking at her now. She hadn't looked at her since she went off on her earlier. Arizona tried to reach and take Callie's hand but the brunette quickly moved it causing Arizona to hang her head. _"Callie... what are we doing?_"

_"I thought it would work."_ Callie finally spoke up, causing Arizona to lift her head to meet her wife's eyes that no longer mirrored an emotion.

Arizona didn't have a clue what she was referring to but didn't want to push so she sat quiet and still and looked at her wife to urge her on.

_"I thought it would work,"_ Callie repeated. _"Watching our wedding videos. Seeing how happy we were," _Callie gave her a weak smile._ "I thought it would help... But it didn't."_ Callie moved her focus to the now empty wine glass in her hands. _"It only made it worse. Seeing how happy and in love we were, standing in front of God and our friends and family, making promises to each other... Promises we couldn't keep,"_ she felt her voice start to falter. _"You made promises to me Arizona,"_ Callie allowed herself to bring her gaze back up to look at Arizona. She felt herself release a unamused chuckle before continuing, _"but who were we kidding-"_

_"You made promises to me too Callie! I'm not the only one who broke promises around here,"_ Arizona let her anger surface again. She knew it wasn't fair to Callie to have asked her to make such a big promise but she did it anyway.

All Callie could do was look at Arizona. She tried to think of what promise she could have possibly broken. She had no idea what Arizona was talking about. Then she realized, _"You're right. I made promises too. I shouldn't have but I did. I promised I wouldn't cut off your leg,"_ as a doctor that is one of the most important rules, right up there with first do no harm, don't make any promises you can't keep because there is only so much a doctor can do. Callie was well aware of this when she made that promise to her wife but what was she supposed to say? And truth be told she really did try everything she could to save that leg. She had a plan, got the go ahead and everything was set for Arizona to be able to keep her leg. But her leg had other plans. That leg tried to and would have killed her wife. She don't see how Arizona can't seem to comprehend that. She's a doctor for crying out loud. She knew what was going on, she knew amputation was the best option. _"You almost died... you get that?"_ When Callie didn't receive an answer she kept going. _"You crashed. You had to be intubated, you get that right? Cause I don't think you do. You think I cut it off out of what, spite? Just for kicks? Because I'm such a glutton for punishment and thought our marriage needed another challenge?! What if it was me Arizona?"_ Callie stopped her rant to try to read her wife's face. Her last question at least got her to look up from her hands. _"What if it had been me who was on the plane and ended up with my bone sticking out? What if I came back to you like that, crying and begging you to promise me you wouldn't cut it off? Huh? What if I was the one who became septic because of the infection that had gotten in my leg and was making its way to my bone? What would you have done? Would you have tried to save my leg?... Or would you have tried to save me?"_

Arizona was stuck. She was so angry and still so mad at Callie but listening to what Callie was asking her made her feel stupid. It made her not like herself even more. She wanted to tell Callie that if it had been her she would have tried to save the leg no matter the costs because that's what she promised. But that wouldn't be true. If she was being honest with herself she would be able to tell Callie that it would have been an easy decision for her. Save her wife. Of course she would have tried to save Callie's life if it had been Callie instead of her. Her mile a minute thoughts were cut short by soft whimpers coming through the baby monitor and Callie getting up to go check on their daughter. She took the time to think while Callie was checking on Sofia. She never tried to think from Callie's point of view. She never tried to put herself in Callie's situation and see if she would have done things differently. In truth she knew it was selfish to put all that pressure on her wife. Deep down she knew that she was setting her wife up to fail. All so she could keep her leg. It was selfish, and it wasn't fair to either one of them.

Once Callie had gotten Sofia calmed down and back soundly asleep she made her way back to the living room. Suddenly it hit her. This was the second time Arizona has deflected their conversation from her infidelity and put it on Callie. She had to shake her head. That woman never took responsibility for her actions. It was always someone else's fault. As she took her seat back on the couch she noticed her wife open her mouth to say something but she cut her off, _"So ultimately you're saying you were unfaithful to me because I cut off your leg? Because since you're not saying anything all I'm left to do is assume. Is that it Arizona? You were so pissed off at me for saving you at the expense of your leg that you thought you'd pay me back by hurting me in the worst way?"_ Now it was Callie's turn to be pissed.

_"No,"_ Arizona sighed out. She didn't think that was the reason at all.

_"Then why Arizona?! Help me out because I'm trying really hard to understand!"_

_"I don't know okay! I don't know why I did it it just happened!"_ Arizona was on her feet now. She couldn't keep letting Callie make her feel bad. Even if she did deserve it.

_"You don't know. It just happened."_ Callie repeated her wife's answer with a chuckle and shook her head. _"You gotta come up with something better than that because 'you don't know' isn't a fucking answer! What am I suppose to say to your daughter when she asks why her 'mama' isn't around? Why she's lost yet another parent?! You threw away three years of marriage in three days! You let that bitch come in and ruin us for what?! Cause you don't forgive me for saving you!" _

_"You know what, you're right,"_ Arizona managed to get out in between her pissed off wife's very verbal mental processing. If Arizona wasn't mistaken she could have sworn she saw a look of surprise flash across the Latina's face if only for a second. _"You're right, I don't forgive you. I'm reminded everyday of what you did to me. Of how I put all my faith in you, of how I never ask anything of you and the one time I do you let me down! You did this to me. You made me this person! So yea, maybe I did sleep with her to get back at you. And for that I am sorry. But I don't forgive you for doing this to me."_

Callie felt like the ground had been snatched from up under her. You couldn't have told her she was still alive in that moment. She felt like Arizona had sucked all the life outta her in that moment. She didn't know who this person was standing in front of her. It looked like her wife, voice sounds like her wife, but this person standing in front of her, yelling at her, was not her wife. _"Arizona,"_ Callie had no idea what to say. She'd been racking her brain trying to figure out what to do, how to forgive her for cheating, but how do you forgive the unforgivable when the person who needs forgiving hasn't forgiven you? _"I didn't do this to you, Arizona."_

Arizona narrowed her eyes to focus on what was being said to her. _"What?"_

_"You blame me for this person you've become, because I cut off you leg. But I didn't. Yea I made the call but I didn't cut it off. I wouldn't have been able to cut it off even if I had to."_ Callie took a minute to wipe a tear that finally got away from her. _"Arizona, you're so angry. You've been so angry and I let you take it out on me because I thought that's what you needed. But Arizona I'm angry too. I'm angry at you, and deep down I think you're angry at yourself but you just don't want to admit it so you lash out. You've been lashing out and I get that. I can forgive a lot of things Arizona. I know that you would never do anything to hurt me on purpose I know that. So I know you didn't sleep with Lauren to hurt me, I get that. I forgive that. But what I don't forgive is you continuing to blame me for something that was not even my fault-" _

_"Wait, what do you mean you didn't cut off my leg?"_

_"That's not the point I'm trying to make Arizona.. I'm saying, that this,"_ Callie used her hand to gesture up and down at Arizona, _"this person you've become, that's on you. Your leg needing to come off, that's also on you. You put me in this impossible situation and for the life of me I've been trying to understand how this all even happened. And it all circles back to you Arizona, not me. It was you who boarded that plane. It was you who got so pissed and was being so irrational that you put yourself on that plane. You unintentionally put yourself in this situation and for that...I don't forgive you for that. I don't forgive you for putting us through that and I don't think you forgive yourself for that either. And that's who you should be mad at, not me, not whoever cut off your leg, but you."_

* * *

**A/N: I am not a writer people. I don't know the first thing about writing but I do know what I wish to see. I hope that I haven't lost you guys, I hope at least some of you are enjoying this new found adventure of mine. Let me know what you think. I hope it wasn't totally horrible. **

**Until next time :***


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